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Apr. 8th, 2006 @ 01:05 am I say all I need is a ladder, I want to touch your sky.
Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: Tegan & Sara
I have the most magnificent boyfriend anyone could ask for...<3
I couldn't even wish for anything better because it's all perfect. He treats me with so much respect. He takes me out for dinner and trips. He tells me how much he cares even if I don't ask. He'll dance or make a funny face just to make me smile. He will pinch me just to get me "going". Most of all, he's there whenever I need him. I've never had a better reletionship with anyone in my life.

It was our 7 month anniversary yesterday. Wow, was that ever a great meal for 30 bucks! We got free dessert. It was awesome. We watched the Simpsons and cuddled..hmm..then we went for a drive...XD He's so amazing to me. And, today I had to say goodbye for a couple of days. I'm already missing him. His beautiful golds.

But yes. I'm thinking these entrys are entirely devoted to you, man. So, I'll go and worry myself to sleep. You have a great time down there. I want you to. I'm always thinking of you.
Damn it! I'll stop rambeling, you should already know how wonderful you are.
Fucking 4-12's
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Mar. 28th, 2006 @ 12:02 am Going to go school. FULL TIME!!!
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: "kissing the lipless"- The Shins
Wow...that last entry was little crazy, eh? That was the day I left to Detox. It was interesting down there. Insane shit really does exist. Haven't kept in touch like I said. Maybe because Shane was a bullshiter, Laura is not to be found (took off), Hank is paranoid of everything and can't seem to quit (then again neither can I) and Deb is probably in Rehab now. I wonder how they are all doing? I fucked up 4 times now. And I feel like a loser. All those times I can actually hear Laura saying to me "What have you done now?" Fuck...

Want to get fired because 7-11 is so gay. My boss is an asshole. People can be cunts. And I'm never doing enough for anybody... But lately things are going smoothly enough that I want a paycheck. (I was right! Kimmie's baby is a boy!!! XD)

A lot has been going on since the last time I updated. I went to Detox in Regina on January 12th. I came back 10 days later to find Mr. Plow embracing me in his lovingly sexy arms. After that, I start losing "friends" and gaining rumors. Then I fix everything up and fuck up by getting stoned. That was gay.
Jodi and Sheldon (Congratulations) got married on the 24th of February. Lots of love there. So adorable together.
Anywho, since then Scott and I celebrated 6 months of love and a hell of a ride on the 6th of March, pretty soon it'll be 7. Fuck yeah!! Then I got REAL sick. Threw up pickles and cheese for about half an hour. EEEEEWZ. Picked up my guitar wayy more for a bit there, now i just have to get it back here.

But the biggest thing that happened was when me and Scotty went down to Saska-ma-toon. We went out for dinner at the very lovely Poverino's. Then Scotts( and mine) excitment factor(s) went way up.^^^ We were enjoying one of the greatest solo performances ever then we saw the now forever unpredictable Chantelle run up on stage after Dallas. Couple minutes pass. Scott's in shock. And, not a moment too soon she graces us with her shaky confession that Scott's dream had come true. He will meet Dallas Green, and that he did. Picture and everything. (I still have to upload it, eh? Sorry dear)I on't think I've seen him happier and I honestly believe that he deserved it more than anyone there. He's one of the most devoted to everything which strikes his fancy.

While being down there I spent all of my money of my usual body shop perfume (now aztique) and cd's. 165.00 on cd's. Wow am I pleased. Especially with getting "So Jealous" once again. And, getting my first ever Burn the Priest album. That is one great fucking cd. Along with others that include Smashing Pumpkins, Chevelle, Led Zeppelin, Cyndi Laupers acoustic, In Flames, and Nirvana. Wow, I'll be busy for quite a while. Also, my lovely father helped me make my favoritist t-shirt of Teagan and Sara. It's so french! Hahahh I love it. But yes... thats a lot of stuff for me.
Guess life's pretty decent to me after all. You give and you get. You forgive and you forget. Yess,"it's all happening!"

*I have to say before I go... Scott, I'm sorry for the shit I've pulled in the past. I will never be able to say it enough but I hope you can see past it as I thank whoevers up there for you every day and I'm grateful for everything you do. I benember one of the first things you told me you wanted out of a reletionship. appreciation. I appreciate every little bit of you. Your kindness and generosity. Your huge heart and forgiveness. Your understanding and potential. Your words and your thoughts. Your smile and your grace. I even adore your "flaws" so to speak. I know it doesn't show as often as it should, but it really is there. No matter what. I think you could do just about anything and I still wouldn't want to lose you. Thats how incredible you really are. I bet you don't even realize that half the time. I know you believe a lot of horrible thoughts about yourself but I haven't seen them yet sooo...your verrrrry wrong about yourself. I want to paint you a mirror of yourself. As I see you. Then and only then will you see the real beautiful specimen that you are. I know you will do wonders and I want to be beside you as you do them so I can lean in and embrace all the love in the universe that I actually need. I love you, Scott. I really do and I know that you love me too. So I'll be at school tommorow morning just to see that brilliant smile of yours to make my gloomy days shine.*

-Kittens need homes....and they're cute!

So long and keep on keepin' on!
-S. \/
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Jan. 12th, 2006 @ 11:50 am It feels as if my life is already over..this time its true.
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: "Lake of Fire" Nirvana
I've ruined everything.
All because of my obsession with not being sober. Eventhough when I'm not sober everything seems to be shitty. More shitty than when I can actually walk. I fucking hate this. I hate everywhere I live because I've finally lost all will to live. I only have naive dreams and nonsense dillusionous ideas. I have problems. Thats why I'm going to rehab and until I have a bed reserved I won't leave my house. I fucking hate what I do. I drive people crazy, betray the ones I love and neglect those who have raised me. All just because I want to be stoned all the time or drunk. I don't even know why I do it anymore. A sense of feeling different is always an attraction to me, but it doesn't feel different anymore. Its all crap. I don't go to school, going to take a leave of absense from work, Callie and Stephen aren't on talking terms with me ever again and my boyfriend should fucking dump me and spit in my face so I can hitchike to Calgary and live with my Aunt or on the streets doing what i do best and look to get stoned. Thats my fucking destiny.

Scott, I don't deserve you. I did what every other one has done to you. I'm sorry that I'll never be able to change that and I don't expect to ever make you smile again. I'm contemplating whether I should even come back or just get rid of me. I have just realized that I have nothing to live for. I fucked up to bad to fix and I'm just mistake prone. I'm sorry that your 6 month is with a fucking shit-head junkie ass-face. I've ripped too many apart to ever feel good about my self again. I don't know what I'll do and I don't know when. But I want you to move on and live happily because from reading your latest entry I can see your too hurt to fix. I can see that I am apparantley not the love of your life because we're not going to be together for life because I can't even look at myself anymore nevermind you. When I look at you now I feel like shooting my face off. I won't put you through this because no matter what happened I have loved you since the moment I actually got to talk to you. And I never have/will love anyone like I love you. Thats why you need to find the one your really looking for despite if they are like me or not.

Goodbye everyone and thanks for all the fish, \/
-S. (Shitfaced motherfucker)
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Nov. 19th, 2005 @ 03:19 pm With his collar in hand, knees collapsing to the floor, all I could think was it my fault?
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Dallas Green
"I don't want this anger burning in me
It's something from which I've tried so hard to be free
and none of the tears that we cry in sorrow or rage
can make any difference or turn back the page" -David Gilmour

This past while has been up and down in so many fucking ways.

Hallows Eve was great. Well, the party was. Got to see Scotti the Skunk as a bunny. I loved that. Oh and his tail! awwwe.
I have a job again. I work at 7-11 and it's fucking sad that I have to work Christmas and New Years Eve. I asked for X-mas, not his birthday too. Fuckers.
I am starting to pass, but for me to even be able to begin passing I had to drop gym class because those teachers are morons.
Haven't been tattooing much lately, due to work and school.
Callie has been coming down so thats pretty fucking kewl. Except for the times we don't speak in between.
My friend named Josh died from a stab wound in Calgary and nobody told me until 5 months later.
One of my friends is pregnant and had to quit smoking meth. But she was smoking it the first 2 months of pregnancy. ARRRRRG!
I got my truck so I can drive ONCE I have my license.
Kaelens out of the hospital, but won't take my kidney because it's too big.
The doctor won't fix Dad's back until he's bed-ridden.
Therapist wants to put me in rehab. Dude, theres no problems anymore!!!! Do you see me smoking crack!
Looking forward to The Big Lebowski 2. That would be sweet!
And finally, mo pretty little puppy Loki died. I miss him so much! I can still hear him bark and growl; and cry sometimes. I even found a chewed up pencil and puke that he left behind. I wont't clean it up. That's all I have left of him.

I guess my month is off but I made it all with the help of my love. If not for him, I know exactly where I'd be. Thank you so much for being there. I'll never be able to re-pay for all that you've done. I hope you know your very appreciated, needed, cared about and loved. You make everything Shine.
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Oct. 9th, 2005 @ 06:36 pm TangerGreen (avec lime`)
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: "Alternative Ulster" ..Stiff Little Fingers {Fulangies}
Thursday night was a night that I would love to re-live over and over...
Full of pasta and LV subs, some fancy clothes and semen. I was in bliss through-out the whole occasion. (Scott is SOOOOOOOO man-pretty!)<33 Can't wait for school on Tuesday.
Callie came down a little bummed out and I hope I made her feel a bit better. Fuck....Sara, watch out!
Did some tattoos on a couple buddies and I'm gonna pound one of them. Got two more tattoos. The kitty's fucking awesome!
I've probably let my addictions counselor down though.....
Anywho, just having Thanksgiving dinner and planning Hallows Eve already.
Happy ThanksGiving and peace on earth!

I'm thankful for having the people I love most in my life. (you guys help remove the obstacles from my life) and for finding the love of my life and being able to enjoy peace with him aswell.
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Sep. 18th, 2005 @ 03:26 pm If only the ablazing gesture in your eyes could be explained by the riff escaping from your guitar.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: "Painting Songs"...T&S
Well, It's been a while since I've updated.
Summer's over sadly. Went by so freakin' fast! Although....I don't miss my drunken nights and explosions.
I only miss the endless time I could spend with Mr. Wela-Gin.

Now that school's in session and I'm working at the Dub I've basically quit drinking and cut back on smoking pot. Kewl I guess.

My birthday passed got some awesome Pearl Jam and Van Halen cd's from Callie-Kins, along with a kickass Jimi Hendrix mag. A wonderful poster and Teddy Bear (Cream Puff) from my loo-sifer Man friend<33. Condoms from Phillip. And glasses from the lovely rents.

Today I had a fucking photo shot and I looked like a dink...

Things are seeming almost endlessly great. Especially now that Scott's around. Thanks for being here for me. If not I don't know where I'd be. I really can't explain how much you fill me with joy.

Bye bye for now. No Alexis, just work.
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Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 01:56 am "....destruction is creation all in its own anyway..."
Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: "Tire Me"..Rage
I would have to say summer is starting to have really good points to it. I've been up to my surprisingly better than usual nothings to pass time. And more.
Went to Sounds with Phil Weggo, and Jenelle. Met up with Callie and got pestered by McWela-Gin. I really enjoyed Opeth. Eventhough I missed some of it! X(!! And, I also liked Unearth and Chimaira. But no doubt, GWAR was as kickass as years ago. I wasn't in the pit sadly enough.
Getting to beat on "Phil" and degrate him in front of friends was hilarious. Fuck yeah.
Other than that, lately I've been looking for a job. Planning my trip. Waiting to see Maymes<3!!!!!! And, hanging with the person most enjoyed. (Also, giving some kitties homes!)
Fishing, fighting, snuggling, and "awwwe"ing.
Fucking awesome and antagonizing. <3
Other than that all I can say is I am enraged at graveyard vandilisers.
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Jul. 23rd, 2005 @ 11:14 pm Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really want to say...
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: "This Magic Moment"..Lou Reed
"Times seem to be getting stranger. But gratefully I'm getting stronger."

I guess the way I want to start this one off is by saying how undescribable I'm feeling. I feel strong but at the breaking point. I feel like myself but I also feel like I have way more to learn to develop into myself. It's fucking crazy.

Well so far since my last entry I've done very little I suppose. I witnessed a horrible solution. I cut back on pot. I've been desperatley lazy. I've slept to much during the day and to little during the night. Hung out with the people I care most about. Took my Mom on some rides at the fair.
Celebrated a birthday. And, chased people around for tattoos that they wanted.

Saw an amazing friend last night. Kept me sane no matter how much he antagonizes. *Shakes head* I miss those days terribly. I have to say his company is definetly needed. That valley girl mc-welagin.

Well peace out. \/
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Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 09:58 am "Save one, and save the world entire."
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: "Miss Take"...Horrorpops
Got back yesterday, from an atmosphere totally built upon pain. It got so stressful and exhausting my father couldn't wait until we got out of there. Found out my Uncle loves cocaine and ecstacy. None of my business really, but he wasn't sober the whole time. Along with his girlfriend's son having his freak outs. It was crazy! All of it. Yesterday I was actually happy to be back in Melfort. Callie was surprised to see me smiling and laughing and jumping around yesterday. I guess going there and seeing how I don't want to turn out made me realize so much. I have so many plans for my life.

Speaking of Callie her birthday is tommorow. Making her something and then my father will give her a tattoo. Then we'll celebrate her adulthood! That's going to kickass. Everyone will get the pleasure to interact with a "shitfaced Shaunna" once again. *thumbs down*

Me and my guitar haven't had much time to ourselves lately. But we'll make up for it. ;)

\/ "Give peace a chance"
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Jul. 6th, 2005 @ 06:03 pm The more I discover, the sadder I become.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: "Forever for her(Is over for me)"...White Stripes
Last night was terrible. Absolutley terrible. My Pap was in bed and my Nana was out so I decided to use the phone. I called Matthew. Bad idea. We talked about how badly things are going. Then I decided to get into the goood ol' Gin. Jeezus, that made our conversation into an unrealistic one about how I'm going to somehow come up with enough cash to move to Calgary this summer and how my aunt will somehow let me live with her. Well, I decided to get off the phone. I grab the 40 and go sit by the water, not kewl. Especially in my condition. (Now, you see, my and my Nan had been fighting for days at this point about how I'm unhappy and I am the only person who can change that) Whatever. I am really not concerned with my happiness at the moment. So she comes back and see's me sitting by the water andd asks me to come inside to look at our Irish ancestor photo book. It was pretty kewl and one of her great uncle's looked my exdavid. It freaked me out a bit. Uhmm, so then she starts talking about how me and Kane can actually make something of ourselves and how we shouldn't be slobs like our Rents. (Comming from rich folk who have never had a money issue) Don't get me wrong my family is lazy but she had no right. I bite my lip. Then, she goes on about my attitude. "You should try to smile dear! I know at the moment your only concern is popularity and having a boyfriend-" Whoa...."Stop right there!" I exclaim...She was so confused on why I was bothered. Then I profoundly announce "If you knew me at all, you would have never EVER said that!" She just laughed at me and I went off. I stormed out of the shed. Walkedinto the cabin and packed all of my stuff. Then went out for a walk and a smoke. She came at me screaming about how I shouldn't get so worked up and how I need help. So I fucking screamed and she yelled and I screamed and she said "We're meeting your father in the PAS tommorow, he'll pick you uo from there!' I freak out some more. Her saying "I know all about the things you pull at home, I will not tolerate them here". So I tell ehr off by sayinmg how she doesn't know fuck all about the last four years of my life and she never will. And so we argue to the point that I'm crying. I don't even know why it went as far as me calling my dad at 1 in the morning asking him to come all the way to Setting Lake to pick me up.

All of that commotion just because I'm unhappy. My dad explained it as Manic Depression. I don't have Manic depression!! Wtf is that about!

I may be a little sensitive, angry, frustrated and bored most of the time. But that's not main depression, that's just......?
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